"Whatever has happened once, will not happen again..but what has happened twice is bound to happen for the third time..." - Paulo Coelho from "The Alchemist"

The Way I am...

The light illuminated the room...

At first sight the room looked messy...not unkempt,not unclean...just MESSY in the purest sense...

A Table in the middle,with lots of smaller tables scattered around the room,each bulging down under all the combined weights of books and papers laying on it.
That is the second thing one will notice.
The sheer number of books and papers in the room.
There were a few Chairs,two Bean Bags scattered around the room just like the tables.
There was also a Black Leather Sofa set.

In spite of the total lack of order one could move freely throughout.
Even this total mess gave a feeling of total upkeep.Like if everything is putted like this deliberately,which I can assure is not the case.

The Room was circular.With lots of doors at the perimeter,not evenly placed yet giving the feeling of perfect symmetry.
Each one of them was made of mahogany and had golden handles.
They lead one further into the depths.

It smelled nicely too.
I guess the different aromas inter-mixed to give it a REAL distinct identity of its own.
These smells did stir up some feelings and emotions but the one which was dominant was as complex as the whole layout..it gave a sense of warmth and caring yet at the same time sent a feeling of "coldness" through the spine.

I guess it is the perfect place for one to think.At least for me it is.

It was quite a simple room albeit a large one...and it felt nice to be there...




Every time I'm here something has changed.
Sometimes I dwell on some new situations and sometimes I take up the old unsolved dilemmas and sometimes I'm here just for the sake of being here.

I walked to the middle of the room where the largest table was laid.

"I hope you understand that I usually don't invite everyone in, don't know what made me accept you as a guest"I heard myself saying"but what I'm getting at is,and please don't take it personally,that there are certain things I won't be comfortable telling you,they are just very personal,I hope you understand"

I turned towards the Visitor and found It nodding.

The Visitor,I just couldn't make out whether 'It' was a he or a she.
The only thing I was sure of was that it had a face with two eyes,one nose,one mouth which gave it a semi-human appearance.
Two arms could be seen dangling by its side.And it had no legs.
It was floating about half a foot above ground and looked quite at home.

'Its' face showed a real calmness like someone who is at ease with itself.
Those two eyes showed sparks of Life and a smile could be seen playing on its Lips.
A light surrounded the body,a ghostly pale bluish white light.
but all of this failed to tell me whether it was a he or she,so I simply designated it "It".

"What strange company I have for today"I mused.

"So would you like to look around??"said I"will you please come here so that I can start to tell you about the layout first??"

'It' floated towards me.

"Well as you can see I wasn't expecting a guest over"said I sheepishly trying to look everywhere in the room except at 'It'.
'It' just smiled in an reassuring way and nodded sagely.

"Great !!! A non-talker,that was the only thing missing"thought I.

"Well this is what I call as 'The Lounge'.You can call it the Command Center or the Board Room if you are a sucker for Military terminology or the Corporate jargon but I just call it 'The Lounge',makes it a little informal"
I looked around the room in admiration.Well sure I loved the place and everyone wants to show off their best things...well this was one of mine.

"This is the place where I make most of my theories.The rules,guidelines call them whatever you want,basically here I formulate the ways on how to live my life,how I'll handle certain situations and all the clauses and subclauses and the fine print that goes with them,for the exceptions that crop up sometimes you see"I rambled"Mind you none of them are static in nature,I keep updating them along time and experience"

"Here let me show you something"I beckoned him.
We were standing beside the largest table laid in the middle of the room.
It was made up of some stone and was dark blue in colour.
The surface gave a glazed look and on it different faces,phrases,words,colours,figures,pictures played their own little game,totally indifferent of our presence.

The words and phrases broke into alphabets or smaller words and realigned themselves,sometimes making some other words and phrases and sometimes making something that was totally incomprehensible.
Faces distorted in front of us,features realigned and sometimes getting sharper and sometimes fading away till a faint shadow could be seen.
Colours seemed to dance around the whole surface giving an effect somewhat like the northern lights.It was sort of like a smaller version of it.
Figures were making their own rules of geometry.Breaking into lines which seemed to crawl all upon the surface and making some real neat figures both in 2D and 3D.
Pictures kept zooming in and zooming out.Sometimes staying fixed at a particular point and sometimes blurring out so quickly that you could hardly register what were you witnessing in front of you.
All of this was happening at lightning speed.In the hundredth of a second was my guess.
The effect was highlighted by the fact that we were witnessing all this on 3D.Instead of only length and breadth the table showed depth too.

"What you are witnessing in front of you is the actual thought process,at the speed of thought.All the data keeps pouring in,from outside and the memory also,and keeps getting segregated and united all the time.This works somewhat like a supercomputer for me,makes life a little easier for me.Whatever and whenever I require some sort of data or some earlier instance or something like that,I can find it in front of me in a matter of nanoseconds."
"I have no idea how does this works but quite frankly I have stopped bothering myself about this"
I don't know how interesting 'It' liked the information I was giving but I was least bothered.All this time I kept looking at the scene in front of me admiringly.
In front of me my best friends face came in focus and at that instance the colour changed to crimson red.A triangle decided to fight a circle and a spiral single handily(actually triple).All the alphabets started to swim in front and by the time I glanced back at the face it was replaced by an eye,all the other features becoming completely hazy.

I broke the trance and re-addressed the guest of honour.

"The doors you can see leads to a different room in each of which a specific part of my personality or some specific 'subject' is stored.Basically you can regard them as safe houses where information is stored about a particular topic but they act more than just warehouses.Here all my theories are used practically to solve certain matters or applied on hypothetical situations regarding the issue at hand.All these rooms are interconnected and data flows between them at the speed of thought.You might have felt that the air in the room sometimes become a little hot or cold or might have felt a gush of air passing you.Well that was just information being exchanged between two or maybe more rooms."

"You see decision making or rather living life itself is quite a simple task but taking the right decisions and living a successful,good life requires effort.As it is with Life.the factors effecting it are made up of very simple facts but their mingling makes them rather difficult to decode.The situations themselves are made up so many complex facts that it becomes a necessity to have certain information from other quarters.I guess you can say that actually the 'interests' which lie behind these doors overlap each other."

As soon as I had finished,
"INFORMATION IS POWER" flashed on the wall before us.
"Ignore it,that's just one of my favourite oneliners" I said,"sort of like my mantra for life.Incidentally I've made it myself"

I guessed that maybe 'It' got a little surprised by the sudden occurrence because I saw the light surrounding it got a little brighter but I was busy suppressing the smile that had started to creep on my lips and I hastily changed the subject.

"Obviously I can't show you all the rooms but I'll show you one or two"

"That one over there has all my dreams and aspirations,right opposite to it lies the room where my secrets are stored.This one over here holds my strenghts,bravery,boldness etc ,over there is the intellectual room,you know knowledge,sharpness,smartness and all that."

"This is my room of my wit and humour"I said opening the door.A huge 'rushing' sound emitted from the room which died subsequently.
It was a huge room but completely empty.
Two pictures adorned the walls.One was of Bill Watterson,the creator of Calvin and Hobbes and the other one was of P.G Wodehouse.
"Well being funny is a serious business.You have to be on your toes to find the right opportunity to find AND capture AND use all the funny moments life throws at you. That needs room to maneuver so this room is basically empty.Those two pictures are the only thing in this room. My Inspirations. Two of the funniest people who lived. Their sense of humour,look towards life was absolutely terrific." I said admiringly and closed the door.

"Don't get fooled by the bareness of the room.It is one of the busiest room here.Instances,phrases are always coming in from the memory.A little sharpness is also needed here and off course all would be lost if you couldn't put it in the right way,that's when that rooms come into play."I said pointing towards another room.
"That one gives me the ability of speak and till date it has worked satisfactorily."

"Emmm..this is...well...err one of the other busy room" I said feeling slightly embarrassed and opened the door.
The first thing that strikes me every time I come here is the sheer quality of colours.
If the colours on the table were like a smaller scale version of the northern lights this was as if the REAL thing.
And the second thing were the pictures.All of them of different dimensions.
Moving,talking,smiling pictures.All of them displaying different types of emotions.And everyone of them prettier then the other.Whole walls were covered by them.

"Err..these are the girls I liked or had a crush on or something like that"I said hastily and tried to shut the door as quickly as possible but 'It' just didn't moved from its place.Instead I could clearly see the first show of emotion on its face.The smile reached its ears and I could see a mischievous glint in the eyes.And I could feel myself getting redder under its gaze.

"GRREEAATT !!! He had to get interested at this room only... though I can't blame 'It'.I mean so many pretty girls anyone will get interested..maybe 'It' is a HE." I thought.

"Well you see I come across so many people (red)and I have found that many of them have so many qualities(redder) that attracts me(heating).So well it is quite easy for me to fall for(crimson)..emm..some of them(blazing red).I guess you must've guessed that what sort of topic this room deals with so I don't have explain it more(DANGER DANGER)."
"Look that was what I was talking about earlier.See that side door?? That connects this room to the next room.Here let me show you."and I opened the door.

REVENGE...Oh sweet sweet revenge...
It was my turn to smile broadly while in second time in minutes a second wave of emotions swept over 'It'.The eyes could be clearly seen to be opened like flood gates while the expression on the face was of full embarrassment and surprise !!
I motioned 'It' out and still couldn't stop myself from gloating while my companion was still thunderstruck.
"You see that room is also accessible from the outside.Here.."
The second time was not as hard hitting as the first time yet to witness the expressions struggling on 'Its' face again was worth it.
"I believe that in a relationship,in romance, sex does play an important part but sex does not need romance to come into play.So I designated another separate room for it"said I and left him musing.

"This is a very special room for me"said I and opened it"My friends."
The room was gigantic and was filled with images of people.And in an instant all of them vanished and were replaced by cabinets.
"I consider everyone either as a friend,an enemy or a stranger.Even an acquaintances is treated as a friend because every friendship starts from it only.But I categorise all of my friends.While some are extremely important to me there are some with whom I'm not too attached.See those Seven cabinets in the middle??? Each one is for one of my Best Friends."And I closed the door.

"I can go on and on and on about everything here because well quite frankly I love to talk about myself and well I love everything about me !! My life,My personality,The Persons who are there in my life,Every damn thing.And I'm quite proud of all of them.I love when others praise or admire those things.That sometimes may give the impression of being very egoistical and immodest and maybe I'm all of those things.But I guess I've just shown you where all of my traits arise from.'Why they arise as such??' well that is quite another story altogether and quite complex at that but to give it a summary I can only say,I'm what I'm because of this is what I chose to be.I took decisions,reacted to certain situations and all of them shaped me.I'm this because there are certain things I believe in and there are others in which I don't.Maybe I might not be upto your standards and fail in your expectations that you set for a person,and I do admit it that there are things I did which others considered were not good, but atleast I have the satisfaction of knowing after every day just before I go to sleep and see the mirror I can see my reflection and I can face myself,admit it that atleast all of the decisions I took were mine"

Silence enveloped the room and suddenly another writing flashed on the wall.
"Everyone has the Right to face the consequences of their Own Actions"
"Another of my line"said I matter of factly.

"I guess its very late now and I better show you out.It was a pleasure you coming over and I apologise for not being a Very good host but I hope you enjoyed the visit" I said and started to move towards the door.

As I reached the door and opened it,a strange chill went down my spine as if I was doing something wrong.
I turned towards 'It'.Something felt strange.Something felt VERY strange.

And then it dawned on me.Everything became crystal clear.And I finally found out who was 'It'.Rather 'What' was 'It'

'It' was still standing in the middle of the room.Smiling.
And I found myself slowly returning that smile.

There it was.

In the middle of a circular room that had many doors made up of mahogany with golden handles.
A room filled up with tables and chairs and papers and books.
A room totally disorganised but where one could feel at ease.
A room which was hot at some time and cool at the next instance.Where you could feel a gush of wind passing you.

There it was.

One man standing at a door smiling back to someone standing in the middle of the room.
One man smiling back to himself.
One man smiling back to its own Soul.

I had spent a good part of time with my soul,with myself and a feeling of total content swept over me.

I was still smiling when I came out of the room.
That look was still imprinted on my mind which was on my soul's face when I had shown him that room.

The Gray Side

And the end credits started to roll...

I was smiling from ear to ear on such a awesome piece of roller-coaster ride and my brother next to me was also quite pleased with this piece from the joint production of Disney and Jerry Bruckhemer and the mind of Gore Verbnski...

If you still haven't gotten what piece i'm talking about,well then i guess you are one of the rare people left on this planet untouched by the movie franchaise "Pirates of the Caribbean".

But this is not a film review of that...(though i'm tempted and who knows maybe write about it too!!).
It is about one thing in it which triggered my thought process...

Pirates here were potrayed as 'The Good Guys'(inspite of their sticking to their backstabbing) while The Protector of the Seas(who else the The East India Company) were left planning their downfall.
Both the soldiers and the pirates parished in this fight but in the end it was the Company's ship that was wrecked and its soldiers who had to abandon ship.

So does that mean that we have actually started treating "BAD" as the new 'in' thing??(after all films just show what we wanna see..)

and its not only about something shown in the 'Pirates'

Spiderman-3 also showed the dark side having an upper hand.(tats another story tat Mr. Parker came to his senses in the end but hey thats a superhero flick...good is supposed to triumph in the end)

or come closer to home...'Shootout at Lokhandwala' potrayed the gangsters as such a RockStars...and if i remember correctly most of our indi pics made up on them do...(should i even start saying the names??)

some will argue that i'm basing everything upon just some imaginary pieces.
Well then i'll say these pics maybe based upon someones imagination but the fact remains that,as far as my practicality says, he made these because he thought the audience is gonna like it,he poured money in because his business sense said that the people outside are gonna pour their money to see it.
It is our mindstate.

Ohkay lets for sometime forget the testbooks and then the most quotes you'll hear (with the word 'good' in it) are...
"good guy never wins"
or "being good never pays"
or somethings like that...call it as a result of our social-political scenario but the truth is this sort of feeling has come into our minds.
Everyone sternly believes that being good never pays off and is the hardest of the paths to follow.

strangely i'm a strong supporter of this type of thinking...

however there is another saying which i abide by more.
"Good is only a way of seeing things"
What might be good for you doesn't necessarily means might be good for others.
So goodness and badness automatically becomes just perspectives,which change for different people.

The good people out their might(and i've a feeling they will) protest but let me make this very clear that i'm not talking in the context of anything evil but just plain old 'Bad'...
both of which are different for me...

While killing,looting,rapes and even bribery are evil deeds for me...
being a little somewhat selfish,egoistic and maybe yeah opportunistic too broadly defines 'Bad' for me...

Even being manipulative, i consider as bad, but only when i feel i'm using my friends to fulfill my job.
while at the same time one of my friend tried to reassure me(he is one of the one,who i feel i use most so i told him very apologetically) by saying "...this is not called using,this is called seeking help from who is the sweetest pal of yours" but still i'm not satisfied with that answer.

Oh but yeah i do agree these pangs of guilt only surfaces when i'm asking my friends to do something...
If there is someone whom i hardly know or whom i do not consider a friend i'm quite sure i'll be at my manipulative best without a feeling of remorse...

and its not only me... most of my friends agree that they can't claim themselves to be good because they also do have vices...vices which can't be ignored and truly takes them out of the contention to be called Good...

So do you consider that as bad???
Well i don't...
I don't because of the simple fact that i expect myself to be human and i do believe that humans are not good or bad,not white or black but we trod on somewhat of a grey area...
We will try to achieve our goals ruthlessly but will show compassion and caring too...
maybe trod on others feet but surely extend a hand in the times of troubles and maybe that is what being human is all about...
not being bad or good,sinister or benign,evil or righteous but just walking on the edge.

Maybe thats why earth is considered to be between hell and heaven...
And humans between Angels and Demon...

Oh and as i started this with a little something from films,
I must make one last point, all of these films might've shown the Bad side having an upper hand but it was the 'Good' which won in the end.

except in pirates but hey theres was a different kind of good in it...

and Company's plotters were upto doing everything bad.

so even our filmakers know that inspite of our colours being grey,its the whiteness which is dominant over the black colour...


Never in my wildest imagination i had thought one day i would be writing or rather explaining my single status...
but as it is with life sometimes,somethings crop up and even the most hard line stances are needed to be softend.

Usually,i wouldn't have cared to give this topic much of my thinking time if not in a span of three days, my three different friends wouldn't have wondered aloud on me being still single.
The reason for their amazement is that they consider me to be quite a nice guy,with a good sense of humour,a great personality and being someone for whom many more other attractive nouns can be used,simply put a guy every girl would be happy to be with.

I wholeheartedly agreed with everything they said (who wouldn't???) but just couldn't answer the "WHY ????"

I guess that there can be numerous reasons and explanations for this-abstract,practical,simple,complex...
but i just couldn't think of any at that time.
and still can't because i've never mused much on me not having that 'special someone'.

but now i guess i must rake my brains and maybe try to solve this dilemma of theirs(i still think i'm wasting both yours and my time but maybe after this i'll have something to say if someone else wondered aloud in the future)

Yeah i'm single ! ! and have maintained the 'status quo' almost my whole life.
I do have many friends from the opposite sex and they do outnumber my male-friends by a ratio of two is to one, but that special one is not there.

I would be lieing if i said i wouldn't like to find her but its just that i'm not looking passionately enough for her,its more like a passing search.

There are two reasons for that- first and formost, i don't get the time.
In juggling my family and friends,my hobbies and studies,my social life and my obligations, i don't get any time so that i can look for her.
And the girls i do like (and so find by pure chance and luck...) become friends,but that is another story(and the main idea behind one of my theory of "Friendly Practical Love"...watch this space and you'll soon find it published here.)

Second,and this i feel is the most important,i haven't got the faintest idea what i'm looking for???
There is no 'dream woman' who dwells in my imagination(barring Jessica Alba).
For me, there is no such thing called a soulmate or love.
There is no one called a perfect person.
I'm not perfect and so if i myself would become shallow and strive for perfection i would be an hypocrite !!
I believe that the only thing there is,is compatibility. A relationship moves upon sacrifice(???),understanding,and commitment.
Both the partners really needs to work hard to make it successful.

And there is another problem(this some of my friends have told me at various junctions of my life)
I'm told that inspite of me being so nice i don't send the right kind of signals.
I don't seem to be a sentimental person(huh??),someone who takes any thing seriously.
I seem like a guy who won't stick to one girl and someone who just won't be able to handle a relationship.

I can blame my extrovert nature and my happy-go-lucky attitude towards life for this but quite frankly i don't(maybe i should blame my outgoing nature due to which i had minimum of three new crushes each day and me telling everyone that "ya !! i like her").
I don't because that was what i had intended to do all along.
I chose to be this because i wanted it to be like that.
I show maturity when one of my friend is in trouble or when i'm lending a helping hand or when the time comes, but most of the time i'm cracking jokes and always trying to bring a smile or a chuckle on the others persons face(and i do feel i usually succeed).so most of the time my serious side remains tucked in for my personal use only and not to show to others.
If to get a girlfriend means sacrificing all this,sacrificing what i'm then iguess i'm lucky i don't have that.
if i'm supposed to find someone, she should be ready to take me as i'm,as i'm ready to take her with all her virtues and vices.

As for the "seriousness" part, i don't believe that i should (or can) become serious for the innumerable number of crushes i have.
I'll get serious one day, but that would be the day when i would really be in a relationship, when the girl would be serious for me.

On an ending note i would just like to present a piece of conversation i had with one of my closest and greatest pals,sometimes back.i present this because i feel like it sums up my thoughts pretty nicely and accurately...
"The problem with all of the guys in our group is",he said," is simply that,that they have carved a prestige issue out of it and it is not just the guys in our group,the same thing holds true for 95% of guys we know"
"They think that now we are in college,but still we don't have a girlfriend...our life sucks"
"While you and me are from the small saner lot...we are noe adversed by the idea of not having a girlfriend but frankally we take it in our stride. We are easy living our life...we try to woo but if we don't succeed even then its all right...we'll take it with a pinch of salt and move on towards newer pastures...if we get a girlfriend fine and if don't....well ok we'll be still living and rocking"
Amen to that...
I don't know about you...
but now i think..

and i guess that is what matters the most....

don't you????

What Bullshit !!!!!

This was completely unplanned(n actually unexpected)...call it as a decision out of the blue...and a dumb decision u may add(atleast i do)
I never did expect that the judiciary of "Out Great Nation" could get so low minded (after all u need to have good qualifications to become a Hon'ble Judge) but i guess our lawmakers are hell bent to prove my beliefs wrong.

Before u start thinking that this is all about The Supreme Courts verdict to issue a stay on the Quota issue,this has nothing to do with it(and since we are at it let me make it clear, i support the Courts decision).

What actually has touched a nerve of mine is The Delhi High Courts decision to quash a rape charge against an accused after he proposed to marry the victim and the real shocker was that the victim AGREED !!!!

In a country where a woman is raped every 29 minutes,in whose capital the same statistics holds true for 24 hours, this new directive will do nothing but give the accused a big loophole(loophole looks like a main road to me...) to get out of the way of punishment.

but now the real question arises who is to blame???

The Victim???
Ok, she agreed to the marriage but come on how can we blame her??? We live in such a Modern Country where the final solution to each n every problem is marriage.
In a society which pokes fun at the victim and her family,talks in whispers behind them and in front of them.Where the girl and her family is ridiculed and are made butt of their sick sense of humour.Where they are subjected to an immense mental torture which is unimaginable.
So the only option left for the girl and her family is to save as much face as they can.
Even the victim is overtaken by shame,guilt and the anxiety about 'who will marry me'.

The Court and the Law Enforcers???(with a conviction rate of 4-12% they can be easily made the scrapgoat.)
NO again.
They are to blame but not entirely....
Because most of the times they are told to do their job with both hands tied behind there back.

The major fault lies with us...
With our Society
With our typical conservative mindset.
Where Marriage is the ultimate solution to all of life's problems.
In the western countries if a woman does undergo such a tragedy the society there supports her not like here where she can't even get out of her home with dignity.
What we should learn is not to forget the tragedy but we should let the girl live her life as normally as possible.
We should let her achieve her goals and let her live JUST THE WAY SHE WANTS...

What the Court should have done was to help build up this mindset instead of quashing cases.
They should taken into account the fact that such marriages are disastrous and are marked by violence.They should have realised that no person can live with someone who has caused so much psychological and physical damage.That the accused will in no way support her in any way.
And what is the gurantee that he will not rape her after marriage???

but just when i think all hope is lost there does come a ray of light in the form of the resilience shown by the victim and her family,the whole hearted support of all the people from all walks of life and the judgement that followed in the Priyadarshani Matoo Rape case or Shanti Mukund Hospital Rape case.

There is still some hope left for us....

The First Few Steps

The most difficult part of starting something new is well 'starting' it.....

The first few steps you take,nevertheless in whatever direction,you will find are the most difficult to take.These are the steps which will yield the minimum of results and are the one where you will make the most mistakes but these are the steps which you must take to end the journey.

since i'm new at writing this blog,I have decided to start this blog with a NOTE OF CAUTION...

Now let me make it clear that this must NOT be taken as a sign such as
but just as a disclaimer(no pun intended)

What i am going to write in this blog will just be my take on things...
It will all be about what i think or feel about certain issues...
again i must emphasise on the point that those issues can be from any context,they may not necessarily be social-political issues and again may not be all candy floss problems teens face... but they are just going to be the issues on which i would like to express my views...because the sole purpose of mine to start this blog is not to make things clear in my mind(i read it on the homepage under the heading why should one start a blog) but to express my ideas,my views to everyone.

but again here another conflict arises...

i believe no one thinks originally...there have only been 8 or 10 so called original thinkers in all of history...wat i believe is the fact that what we call as our OUR ORIGINAL IDEAS are only the distortions put up by the "ORIGINALS"...
with time all of our ideas OR our views have just been influenced by the thoughts penned by the "ORIGINALS".

The other trouble with views is that they get influenced by other's views as well as circumstances.

and i am not an exception...what i am trying to pass on as MY VIEWS are actually a remixed version of other's views as well.
My thought process do get influenced by other's ideas as well.
The point i am trying to make is what i will be writing here should not be taken as a writing on the wall.
With time,insight and experience of this world i may be bound to change my views altogether.

on an ending note,I would like to remind all those who actually know me in the 'real world' I may use certain quotes or instances from your lives but it is not my intension to cause any troubles to you and to make sure of this i will use certain caution.

again let me remind you that i want others to read into this and give their comments on it even if they think completely different from me because as i said my views and I are both of dynamic nature and I would love to hear counter views because i am always interested in broadening my horizons and the only way of doing it (as far as i know...) is by CONSTRUCTIVE CRITICISM.

so you are more then welcome to blast my views if you want....

Yours Truly.

My photo
Like a true gemini i've got a multifaceted personality. can't write about each of them so one will have to discover through the layers