Moving on

Moving on.

Maybe the greatest and most amazing words created in any language. The remedy to all the world's problem, all the heartache, every bottled up emotion that has been taunting you, choking you down and pushing you deeper into the whirlpool of self doubt.

Last three years have been a fucking roller coaster. I've come to terms with the fact that the Heartthrob in me will always remain. Discovered the path to attain nirvana or getting drunk/high, same difference. Figured out that beneath the mask of a great witted clown resides a charming seducer and deeper still a poison boils under. And finally stopped giving a shit about everyone else.

I've forgiven and forgetten about my two ex-gf's cum best friends. Reduced the number of best friends from a mind blowing 7 to a healthy 3. Cut down on cigi's and vodka (Yes...all the girls who have been breathing down my neck for the past year, find other jobs), and started a MBA where they expect us to give a 100% attendance.

Love has become a forgotten emotion, pity and sympathy have been reserved for the deserving, Friendship still rules while anger has started to raise its ugly head more than I would've wished for. Irrationality and eccentricity are the new mantras to live by and patience and understanding are again thrown out of the window.

I'm on a dating and getting laid spree. Flirting with anything that moves prettily. Pool and Snooker are the new passions.Driving Still relaxes me,inspite of the traffic snarls of my dear old city and have evolved from fiction to more intellectual stuff (Porn stories are still my number 2 most read and always will be).

However, moving on doesn't mean that I'm getting off this ride. I have so much fun on it. It just means am not gonna puke anymore after staying too long on it and won't EVER get on it with a full stomach.

Sorry everyone down below.

3 D's & Yours truly

I fumbled with the matches. Should I or shouldn't I? As I contemplated on the answer to the dilemma I poured another shot of vodka in my glass.

I've forsaken my lungs, my liver is on a downward spiral but the agony of my mind & soul find respite only when my senses are not working at their very best.
For someone who preached that one ought to give proper respect to the Vodkas & the Cigarettes of the world and enjoy them instead of using them to douse the fires within, I admit I've taken the low road myself.

NO. I'm not depressed yet. I'm going through a trough in my life but it's just a phase. I know. After 20 years on the top one has to come down once in a while. Call it the Yin-Yang balance if you want to.
I will not vindicate my position but I'll definitely oppose the idea that I'm turning into an addict and to strenghten that I'll just dissect the special bond I share with the 3D's. Drinks, Drugs & the Deathstick.

I glorify the 3-D's in almost all my posts. The misunderstood 'Three Musketeers' of the real world. I do not miss an opportunity to mention at least one of them in all my conversation and literacy pieces. I won't suggest to anyone to drink or smoke but I'll definitely give them hell who'll try to paint my world in their colours of Black & White. I'm not fascinated by the effects of these substance abuses, actually I consider them as mere props to my character. My fascination with them are intermingled with my attraction towards the Byronic Hero.

The tragic hero of Lord Byron, idealised but flawed. Smart, cunning, magnetic, mysterious yet laced with simple human traits of jealousy, hatred, cynicism, arrogance and the self destructive tendencies makes him not only believable but also attainable. I admit being an X-men (specially Gambit) or Flash would be much more valuable (God help the World Bank then) and interesting (peek-a-boo ladies) but the sense of practically compels meto think more on the line of being the attainable Joker instead of the idealised sugarcandy Superman.
I never wanted to be a Mr. Goody-two-shoes asshole infact the dark black or even grey characters always made me feel connected to their torments. Be it the John Abraham of Jism, Irrfan Khan in Rog, Muzammil in Dhokha or Emraan Hashmi in Awarapan I relate to everyone of them at some level. Infact the New age Dev D seemed more like me didn't come as a surprise out of the closet. I'm definately not suicidal but the idea of finding solace in death intrigues me. I don't have a maniacal-sadistic trait in me but 'the ego' drives me. I'm not the guy whom you'll want to end up in a dark alley with me in a raging mood but I'm the guy whom you would like to turn to when you are down and out and everyone is against you.

The fact is that I'm an idealistic SOB in the end is part of the truth too. I still believe in the simple emotions of love & friendship. I believe in the goodness of others. And to those who lack in compassion, care and love, those who've forgotten all the good things that happened to them, all the times someone was there to hold them and support them when they considered themselves alone, I just have hope in my heart for them. That's me. I'm capable of nothing less then eternal hope.

And I'm full of contradictions. Part of the charatcter.

Till next time. PEACE.

Revised & Revived

Since when did my life become a canvas of colours??? Rather than painted it is splattered on the poor surface.

I know this is the time of Modern and Abstract arts but call me old-fashioned or anything, I’m an old timer. Call it my tendency of resisting change or my stubborn attitude, I’ll rather have a Sistine Chapel or a Mona Lisa on MY canvas rather than whatever today is considered as ART.

So many of emotions, so many of after and before effects have made themselves comfortable in my life for my comfort. Sometimes I wonder whether my Life was always this complex or this is a new phenomenon showing its effects known? Whether my life was always this simple or that I’ve removed my Rose-tinted sunglasses?

From Love, Pity, Anger, Rage, Sadness, Amazement, Acceptance, Denial I’ve gone through it all in this past months.
Whatever might be happening or has already happened in this phase of my life, I’ve learnt a lot, Found out about people and now am in the position to add one another Hero in my ‘Batman-Superman-Phantom’ cliché.

And this is just one of my minor steps to take the control of my life back into my own hands.

The Revival of ‘SPACE-O-NOMICS’.

Applause anyone???

The Gray Side

And the end credits started to roll...


I was smiling from ear to ear on such a awesome piece of roller-coaster ride and my brother next to me was also quite pleased with this piece from the joint production of Disney and Jerry Bruckhemer and the mind of Gore Verbnski...

If you still haven't gotten what piece i'm talking about,well then i guess you are one of the rare people left on this planet untouched by the movie franchaise "Pirates of the Caribbean".

But this is not a film review of that...(though i'm tempted and who knows maybe write about it too!!).
It is about one thing in it which triggered my thought process...


Pirates here were potrayed as 'The Good Guys'(inspite of their sticking to their backstabbing) while The Protector of the Seas(who else the The East India Company) were left planning their downfall.
Both the soldiers and the pirates parished in this fight but in the end it was the Company's ship that was wrecked and its soldiers who had to abandon ship.



So does that mean that we have actually started treating "BAD" as the new 'in' thing??(after all films just show what we wanna see..)

and its not only about something shown in the 'Pirates'

Spiderman-3 also showed the dark side having an upper hand.(tats another story tat Mr. Parker came to his senses in the end but hey thats a superhero flick...good is supposed to triumph in the end)

or come closer to home...'Shootout at Lokhandwala' potrayed the gangsters as such a RockStars...and if i remember correctly most of our indi pics made up on them do...(should i even start saying the names??)

some will argue that i'm basing everything upon just some imaginary pieces.
Well then i'll say these pics maybe based upon someones imagination but the fact remains that,as far as my practicality says, he made these because he thought the audience is gonna like it,he poured money in because his business sense said that the people outside are gonna pour their money to see it.
It is our mindstate.

Ohkay lets for sometime forget the testbooks and then the most quotes you'll hear (with the word 'good' in it) are...
"good guy never wins"
or "being good never pays"
or somethings like that...call it as a result of our social-political scenario but the truth is this sort of feeling has come into our minds.
Everyone sternly believes that being good never pays off and is the hardest of the paths to follow.


strangely i'm a strong supporter of this type of thinking...

however there is another saying which i abide by more.
"Good is only a way of seeing things"
What might be good for you doesn't necessarily means might be good for others.
So goodness and badness automatically becomes just perspectives,which change for different people.

The good people out their might(and i've a feeling they will) protest but let me make this very clear that i'm not talking in the context of anything evil but just plain old 'Bad'...
both of which are different for me...

While killing,looting,rapes and even bribery are evil deeds for me...
being a little somewhat selfish,egoistic and maybe yeah opportunistic too broadly defines 'Bad' for me...

Even being manipulative, i consider as bad, but only when i feel i'm using my friends to fulfill my job.
while at the same time one of my friend tried to reassure me(he is one of the one,who i feel i use most so i told him very apologetically) by saying "...this is not called using,this is called seeking help from who is the sweetest pal of yours" but still i'm not satisfied with that answer.

Oh but yeah i do agree these pangs of guilt only surfaces when i'm asking my friends to do something...
If there is someone whom i hardly know or whom i do not consider a friend i'm quite sure i'll be at my manipulative best without a feeling of remorse...

and its not only me... most of my friends agree that they can't claim themselves to be good because they also do have vices...vices which can't be ignored and truly takes them out of the contention to be called Good...

So do you consider that as bad???
Well i don't...
I don't because of the simple fact that i expect myself to be human and i do believe that humans are not good or bad,not white or black but we trod on somewhat of a grey area...
We will try to achieve our goals ruthlessly but will show compassion and caring too...
maybe trod on others feet but surely extend a hand in the times of troubles and maybe that is what being human is all about...
not being bad or good,sinister or benign,evil or righteous but just walking on the edge.

Maybe thats why earth is considered to be between hell and heaven...
And humans between Angels and Demon...

Oh and as i started this with a little something from films,
I must make one last point, all of these films might've shown the Bad side having an upper hand but it was the 'Good' which won in the end.

except in pirates but hey theres was a different kind of good in it...

and Company's plotters were upto doing everything bad.

so even our filmakers know that inspite of our colours being grey,its the whiteness which is dominant over the black colour...

SIMPLY SINGLE !!

Never in my wildest imagination i had thought one day i would be writing or rather explaining my single status...
but as it is with life sometimes,somethings crop up and even the most hard line stances are needed to be softend.

Usually,i wouldn't have cared to give this topic much of my thinking time if not in a span of three days, my three different friends wouldn't have wondered aloud on me being still single.
The reason for their amazement is that they consider me to be quite a nice guy,with a good sense of humour,a great personality and being someone for whom many more other attractive nouns can be used,simply put a guy every girl would be happy to be with.

I wholeheartedly agreed with everything they said (who wouldn't???) but just couldn't answer the "WHY ????"

I guess that there can be numerous reasons and explanations for this-abstract,practical,simple,complex...
but i just couldn't think of any at that time.
and still can't because i've never mused much on me not having that 'special someone'.

but now i guess i must rake my brains and maybe try to solve this dilemma of theirs(i still think i'm wasting both yours and my time but maybe after this i'll have something to say if someone else wondered aloud in the future)

Yeah i'm single ! ! and have maintained the 'status quo' almost my whole life.
I do have many friends from the opposite sex and they do outnumber my male-friends by a ratio of two is to one, but that special one is not there.
I would be lieing if i said i wouldn't like to find her but its just that i'm not looking passionately enough for her,its more like a passing search.

There are two reasons for that- first and formost, i don't get the time.
In juggling my family and friends,my hobbies and studies,my social life and my obligations, i don't get any time so that i can look for her.
And the girls i do like (and so find by pure chance and luck...) become friends,but that is another story(and the main idea behind one of my theory of "Friendly Practical Love"...watch this space and you'll soon find it published here.)

Second,and this i feel is the most important,i haven't got the faintest idea what i'm looking for???
There is no 'dream woman' who dwells in my imagination(barring Jessica Alba).
For me, there is no such thing called a soulmate or love.
There is no one called a perfect person.
I'm not perfect and so if i myself would become shallow and strive for perfection i would be an hypocrite !!
I believe that the only thing there is,is compatibility. A relationship moves upon sacrifice(???),understanding,and commitment.
Both the partners really needs to work hard to make it successful.

And there is another problem(this some of my friends have told me at various junctions of my life)
MY IMAGE ! !
I'm told that inspite of me being so nice i don't send the right kind of signals.
I don't seem to be a sentimental person(huh??),someone who takes any thing seriously.
I seem like a guy who won't stick to one girl and someone who just won't be able to handle a relationship.

I can blame my extrovert nature and my happy-go-lucky attitude towards life for this but quite frankly i don't(maybe i should blame my outgoing nature due to which i had minimum of three new crushes each day and me telling everyone that "ya !! i like her").
I don't because that was what i had intended to do all along.
I chose to be this because i wanted it to be like that.
I show maturity when one of my friend is in trouble or when i'm lending a helping hand or when the time comes, but most of the time i'm cracking jokes and always trying to bring a smile or a chuckle on the others persons face(and i do feel i usually succeed).so most of the time my serious side remains tucked in for my personal use only and not to show to others.
If to get a girlfriend means sacrificing all this,sacrificing what i'm then iguess i'm lucky i don't have that.
if i'm supposed to find someone, she should be ready to take me as i'm,as i'm ready to take her with all her virtues and vices.

As for the "seriousness" part, i don't believe that i should (or can) become serious for the innumerable number of crushes i have.
I'll get serious one day, but that would be the day when i would really be in a relationship, when the girl would be serious for me.

On an ending note i would just like to present a piece of conversation i had with one of my closest and greatest pals,sometimes back.i present this because i feel like it sums up my thoughts pretty nicely and accurately...
"The problem with all of the guys in our group is",he said," is simply that,that they have carved a prestige issue out of it and it is not just the guys in our group,the same thing holds true for 95% of guys we know"
"They think that now we are in college,but still we don't have a girlfriend...our life sucks"
"While you and me are from the small saner lot...we are noe adversed by the idea of not having a girlfriend but frankally we take it in our stride. We are easy living our life...we try to woo but if we don't succeed even then its all right...we'll take it with a pinch of salt and move on towards newer pastures...if we get a girlfriend fine and if don't....well ok we'll be still living and rocking"
Amen to that...
I don't know about you...
but now i think..

GIRLFRIEND OR NO GIRLFRIEND... I'M STILL HAPPY !!!!
and i guess that is what matters the most....

don't you????