Time for a Heartbreak :-/ OR Shotgun is a Man's Best Friend :D

"Is it time already?"

"Yes sir,it is. Time to break your heart sir."

"Oh well, we both knew this would happen sooner or later. Anyways, will you bring my shotgun up please?"

"I already have it here sir. Have cleaned it all, in and out and have also put in two extra rounds for contingencies, sir."

"You are the best butler ever. Even Jeeves can't match up to you."

"Thank You Sir."

------

Don't know whether am down or feeling like on 7th heaven. But this is for sure P.G Wodehouse is the best writer EVER. :D

7 Days & 18 Hours

7 Days & 18 hours.

7 days of backpacking across India and 18 hours of total sleep I got in between.

7 days of total ecstasy and euphoria & 18 hours of the realisation that a soft bed comes only third to sex and vodka.

I travelled to the City of Nawabs-Lucknow, My home & the capital of this country-New Delhi, the financial capital-Mumbai and in the end the oxford of India-Pune. And in between I squeezed a lil village called Taregaon near Pune.

I travelled in the luxury of Rajdhani's coach, in total comfort in Shatabdi's chair car, travelled in the cramped environment of the Mumbai local, sat idly in the Mumbai-Pune Volvo & watched a mindless flick called 'Partner', travelled in an inter city local, almost got duped by the local Auto wallahs and finally slept through the cacophony of a sleeper class.

I ate Aloo vada, batata vada, idli, biryani, matar paneer for lunch and dinner. I smoked hashish with a big hearted and breasted Austrian lady, drank two bottles of vodka with my elder brother cum best friend and almost missed my 5 fucking 30 A.M local and gave my ice cream to a lil beggar girl.

I met a kayastha family from Delhi settled in Mumbai for the last 25 years who treated me coldly at first cause they thought I was Muslim because of the long kurta I was wearing, eyed their beautiful, young, married but not happy daughter, met a confused railway clerk who had just been offered a job as a manager in some hot shot company and also has gotten a call from Bihar police, met a girl doing her biotech from Bangalore a city of which she was sick of, totally blasted the interview panel I was facing in Pune, met a CRPF officer who went out of the way to make my stay comfortable.

And in the end presented a sight to 50 dumbstruck people who'll never forget it as long as they will live.

I entered the sleeper coach's waiting room attired fully in a two piece suit wearing a crisp shirt, a great tie and shining black shoes. 15 minutes later I departed from the room wearing shabby clothes and nondescript sleepers in feet leaving everyone wide eyed and giggling.

7 days & 18 hours.

I've just tasted life with no wings attached.

I Saw Her

I changed the metro at Kashmere gate for Rithala. I had to be in another part of Delhi and taking the Metro was the only economical & practical option available to me.

She entered the car with a friend of hers and from that moment onwards, I couldn’t keep my eyes off her, atleast for the next 20 minutes. She was not exactly beautiful, infact she was far from the conventional sense of beauty, yet there was something about her which I can’t fathom, and guess never will be able to, that held my attention. She was wearing a cherry-red colour jacket over a creamish sweatshirt and faded stone washed blue denims. She was more on the wheatish side with shoulder length dark brown hair styled unevenly which gave her a wind swept look. She had no curves, no long legs and no breasts to speak of but at that moment was easily the most desirable girl in the world for me. She was carrying an overflowing bag, most probably filled with books to the limit and was from Gargi College, since she was wearing the college’s sweatshirt and I could read 'GARGI' written over to the left side of her sweatshirt. She had an unsmiling face with slight bags under her eyes and looked pretty tired, infact she looked relieved to be in the metro and having a chance to relax for a while. She was leaning against the door and like a puppy I was staring at her, hoping that I would get an opportunity to start a conversation with her.

She was totally oblivious of her surroundings and didn’t even notice any of her fellow companions, especially one of them who was precipitating despite of the morning chill. She either kept her eyes fixed outside of the window beside me or decided to give them a rest from time to time.
She had a relaxed appearance and a calm aura surrounded her. She looked as if she wasn’t in any hurry to reach anywhere and gave the impression of a smart, intelligent and sensible person. She had the quality of a confident and in control kind of a person which was well evident from her body language.

She was someone maybe with whom I would’ve had loved to share a coffee, talk, hold a conversation, listen to her views and try to get to know her a little better. She gave me the impression that maybe this was the kind of girl I would like to share my life with, share all my happy moments and tell her all my worries. She was the kind of girl I would’ve had liked to wake up every morning, snuggle to, bring a smile to her face, make her childish fantasies true and listen ‘I Miss You’ from.

With a jolt the metro stopped at Rithala and we both got out. I jumped the stairs two at a time and rushed towards an auto, without even glancing back at her and pushed her out of mind as soon as the auto started moving. For me it was over, a chance meeting, a time we will share but of whom she’ll remain unaware and I’ll treasure. For me she was lost in the land of the human mass forever.

But fate had other plans.

I rushed back to the station 3 hours later to reach CP as soon as possible to meet my girl.
After a long wait I finally got a ticket and entered the overflowing coach of the Metro. And there she was, in the crowd, right in front of me sitting serenely. But this time I didn’t feel any of the previous emotions that had rushed through me. I hardly noticed her and kept glancing at my watch, calculating at what time I would be able to reach CP and for how long my girl would’ve been waiting.

Both of us again departed at the Kashmere gate station and as before I bolted towards the exit without a second thought in my mind.

This time we had parted ways at last.

Or have we???

oNE WiLD NighT

Pre-Script: I was drunk as I had originally written this...drunk as in totally wasted...with no sense of time, direction, stairs, person, food or something else for that matter. There might be some mistakes in there but even as I re-edit it am not gonna rectify them...originality matters. And besides what fun it would be if I didn't have a drunk, insanic post in my blog???

31st December 2008/ 1st January 2009

Finally my craving to get drunk and my wish to have a hangover are fulfilled. It's 7 in the fucking morning, 1st January 2009 and pretty chilly. The fog is quite thick right now and I have just driven 20 miles in half conscious state with two of my buddies (actually one is drunk and was asleep the whole time...still is {& remained so late till the afternoon}) acting as my eyes and mind (I couldn't see a bloody thick chain cordoning off the entry of one of the roads and almost drove through ot) with the sounds of Bon Jovi and Linkin Park blaring through the speakers to keep me awake and with prayers in our hearts for the dearth of the traffic cops,to finally have a cup of coffee in the comforts of my own home.

The plan was simple. My home was supposed to be the venue (since my parents are conveniently out of town) and we were supposed to have a house party and get drunk on vodka, GUYS ONLY!! But all plans have a habit to go awry and what good is a man who can't derive the best out of a worst situation. 'We' were just four guys, GK..the man...my blood brother...the closest friend I have. Meena...a school buddy..budding script writer and director. Pawan..the boyfriend of my ex-'s sister..my big bro cum best friend. & finally, yours truly... the brain behind the whole idea...the man with the thousand nicknames and thousand plus one smiles.

The first setback happened in the morning when I ran out of cash. By the time I got to the Bank it was closed and the only thing I could do was to call GK and ask him to get the moolaah. GK had problems of his own by the way. His brother has wiped off his account of all the cash and had left him broke. Still he managed to scrape through somehow.

The second pitfall happened late in the evening when three of us were waiting for Pawan to reach my place and controlling ourselves not to start drinking the pure Smirnoff right away. That's when he called to say that he can't make it cause some dumb asshole of a guy had punctured both the tires of his bike. Instead of loosing hope and playing into the hands of despair, I took command & decided to move the party to Pawan's house. With no cash left in any of our combined pockets and minimum of petrol in the car, I drove the 20 miles to his place in my trusty car with fuckingly best fuel efficiency.

The pain in my head is searing, eyes blood shot and puffy from lack of sleep and the brain. an old has been sword, jaded and rusted. GK is snoring away to glory while Meena is desperately trying to sleep. I have made eggs for myself for this early morning breakfast and am still reading the message my ex- sent me after I had talked and somewhat screamed at her after she had pissed me off.

We planned to go bowling before drinking but here despair outplayed us. The malls were closing just as we reached there, which was surprising cause we had thought this was New Year's Eve and at least malls will be open at least till 12. With slightly dashed hopes but still with some spirit we went back home to our bottles of vodka and the now ice cold chicken and play out the original plan.

Meena broke the seals and I did the honours of pouring out the pegs for everyone. And then Pawan's gf called up and he went out of the room to talk to her. We like good old fashioned guys threw obscenities at him for walking out on us, kept drinking while litting up cigarettes after cigarettes and kept the mood swinging. We recalled our school days and welcomed nostalgia to the group, I proved to GK that he ain't in love, prodded Meena that his love calls me her sweetheart and flirts like anything, I boasted that her cute lil 11th class sister thought I had a sexy voice and then 'she' called.

I had read somewhere that the best cure of a hangover is sprite and tomatoes ( had read on Sia's blog) and something else to do with curd. But with lack of luck I'm out of tomatoes, sprite, curd. lemon, bananas, vegetables, or any kind of food for that matter. I roam around the house to find something to do instead of sleeping, inspite of the weariness and the tiredness am not ready to give rest to my eyes, atleast not yet. My mind keeps acting like a pendulum, swinging this way and that, restless, wishing for something to think about but all thoughts pouring out of mind like water from a hand, unable to concentrate and form a coherent thought.

I had been waiting for my girl to call me and actually didn't expect that my ex- will wish to talk to me when the clock will chime 12. We started talking and wished each other (actually I did, she ain't too keen on the concept of special days...New Years, B'days, Anniversaries etc etc.) and then my special girl called. I hung up and began my struggle with the jammed networks to listen to her sweet voice again. After a struggle of half -an-hour I was finally able to bore through the vodafone-airtel networks and talk to her.

I returned to my medicine after having a brief chat and then my ex- called up again. I listened to her audacious talk, spoke some angry words and put the phone down. And I passed out after 12 minutes. I found out in the morning that my cell had run out of balance, was low on battery and by some godforsaken miracle it was blocked!!!

Still later I found out how I had blabbered to Pawan that what a great and nice guy he really is and am gonna tell his gf not to trouble him much.

The world outside is blue, devoid of the rays of the sun yet there is nothing sad or depressing about the concrete landscape. It is the New Year's first day and the scene gives me the feeling of peace and tranquility. It gives me the sense of hopefulness that everything good will happen for everyone of us.

I messaged my ex- apologising for my behaviour the night before. And

I'm still to message everyone who wished me throughout the last two days (yup people started from 30th).

And now I gotta sleep cause I can't keep my eyes open.

PEACE.

& A HAPPY NEW YEAR TO ALL OF YOU !!!

& we ate a half cooked, ice cold chicken for dinner.

No 'frills' attached

I had one of the best coffee in the world today. The froth was an inch thick, the liquid sweet with lots of chocolate powder thrown in for good measure and was piping hot. The best point??? The fucking cup cost me 15 bucks. 15 lousy rupees which I might have used to buy some cheap cigarettes (am kinda in budget mode...spent all my money a week ago on vodka), were well used to discover the best joint to have coffee in this part of town. It is a cold night in Delhi and having a steaming cup of coffee in one hand, cigi's in the other and eyes on girls passing by with your best man, rambling about his fucked up love life, in tow is simply priceless.

And then there was the roadside burger nested inside a fried bun with a healthy portion of veggies (tomatoes and cabbage and onions) to please the health freak and that sweet, liquidy, water-thinned sauce oozing out of it everytime you take a bite. 5 rupees only.

Screw the CCD's & Baristas of this world and McDonald should just roll over and die.

BLOODY FUCKING CAPITALIST BASTARDS.

(I bloody well forgot that I was supposed to be depressed after the outing & by the way you can get that coffee at PVR Saket).

Me, Music, Condoms & Something about my Family

This started when my dear old Dad (yeah right Old... girls fall for him more then they fall for me and my bro...talk about competition at home) said to my mom (she looks more like my older sister...has been mistaken for a college girl in the past...why do I have such Dysfunctional family???)," I don't understand what they are singing but I like what I hear"(it was an Akon song "Mindstate of a Mobster") ,but it was the next line which actually started the thought process,"they are teens,('they' here signifies me and my brother & my dad keeps forgetting we have grown up quite a bit in the last 20 odd years but I give him the benefit of doubt, he was not around when we were growing up, busy at the border and stuff) while I'm not...our tastes are bound to be different." For him the dialogue ended right there but for me it was the initiator.

Everyone, or usually everyone, thinks that being from Generation X-,Y- or Z-( I've no idea I'm part of which by the way & quite frankly don't give a rat's ass) is all about having those wild times,when the adrenaline is pumping high and your mind is just taking a vacation in some irrational, irrelevant place. It is the time of the carefree attitudes and the time when we let go of the rebel in us, do whatever we want, drink the night away, experiment with dope and pot (finally deciding dope is better but more expensive so I ought to stick to my packet a day of cigarettes), have countless love affairs and go out of the way to help a buddy out of a tough situation even when it means we'll become a party to whatever fuck your mate decided to land into (including a freaking police case...man Sush what were you thinking??). We do it all, giving the impression of wasting our lives.

I actually am quite a lucky guy in this respect that I've got understanding parents, who maybe are very simple and innocent that they believe everything I tell them, including a gum that smells of cigi's or are rather onto me knowing every time with whom I'm with or why it is essential for me to take a night time stroll with matches in my pocket. I fear it is the latter and instead of praising my over-smartness I should thank lord for their nature (or maybe for the fact both have been through the same motions, Dad specially...He was a Rockstar in his time, still is actually with his branded suits and cargoes and leather jacket and shirts, a Tissot watch on his wrist, Ray Ban sunglasses and racing antics at the Greater Noida expressway in his Chevrolet SRV...I got one hell of a role model ).
I never had to switch channels when an adult scene played on in a movie. Never I had to justify to my Maa why I had a girlfriend whom I used to bring home and suddenly there is no mention of her. Even when mom found a pack of half open and empty condoms in my almirah she listened to my take that it was just part of a 'dare', laughed out loud (I still got a feeling she knew the truth) and never mentioned it again.

Of course there have been times when my parents had gone through dilemmas of their own and have behaved in purely orthodox fashion but I understand. They are confused whether they should act like modern parents and give us a home where we can talk about virtually anything, from being gay to asking Dad for a drink(I drink with my Dad so sue me...he taught me the difference between scotch and premium whisky and developed my taste for vodka...his thinking goes that now that you know of the evil and are comfortable with me, you'll drink with me where I can keep an eye on you and look out for you or atleast let your better sense prevail & won't get talli...I overheard this... I GOT THE BEST DAD...YEAH I LOVE HIM !!!) or they should teach us the values and tradition that have been installed in them by their parents.
They learn each day how to deal with two vicious monsters in the house, balance modernity and traditionality and in turn show us what parenting is all about (and maybe that's why I have a feeling I'll be a terrific dad... I got two great role models in front of me ).

I know maybe I won't ever get the opportunity to tell them what a great job they are doing and they have actually reared us quite well, have installed the values of love and care in us, made us compassionate and yet at the same time shown us the perils of the world, made us street smart, gave the best possible life that someone like me deserves, listened to my situations, solved the worst of my problems and been there for me (my bro is the good son so I have the duty to keep shaking the lives of my parents to install some excitement in their lives).

And yeah a special mention of my Mama, he is a Gemini like me, cool as a cucumber, got a great sense of humour and one of the most intelligent persons I have met. We are not as close I would like us to be but just so he is very important for me. As my Mom once said about me to my Nani ," Antriksh doesn't care what we'll think but he sure as gives a lot of weightage to whatever Akhil says(my Mama), he kind of worships the ground I walk on (I never knew that it was that obvious !!!) but follows him blindly".

And as for my Music taste, Dad asked for some golden oldies and gazals to be downloaded from the net, which I had already done so, and he said "Now you are developing a taste for some good music".

Yeah right Dad... All thanks to you. (Wait till he hears songs from Zeest, Honey Singh and Linkin Park I have in my collection.

PEACE TILL THEN !!!

Where have the Jokers gone???

The most important of all the senses god bestow upon us is without doubt the Sense of Humour.

You can do away with smell when you are passing through the streets of Mumbai, eyes can always take a hike when flipping through channels(except in the cases when Katrina Kaif is on the screen...obvious exceptions), sense of touching is of no use when you have no one [:)] to touch, as for taste,if you've eaten south Indian once you've eaten it to last a lifetime ( if you've eaten a lot at 'Sagar Ratna' then maybe you'll understand what motions run through my mind and belly at the mere mention of it) and lastly as for the sense that provides us with hearing, well when horns are blaring at you in a Delhi traffic jam you'll wish you were born deaf.

All in all it is the Sense of Humour which don't have any ill effects (except maybe if you laugh at someone else's expense who looks like a cross between Batista and Khali and you are a poor copy of Rey Misterio then my friend you are in a lot of trouble and have all my sympathy with you).

Well my friends and me used to have this in abundance, the ability to laugh at others, make others laugh with us and when it really mattered make everyone laugh at someone we actually didn't liked. My best friend and me were quite a lethal duo in the last department, in fact the only time I was beaten was the one when I had pissed the guy really off and he was almost in tears, twisting and turning my dearest arm while I was laughing out so loud that I couldn't defend myself and my useless Partner-in-Crime was busy rolling on the floor laughing (with the whole class mind ya). Although with hindsight I can preach that laughing at someone else's expense can be quite hilarious provided it is safe (read the Batista-Khali scenario again) and clean but at that time we were the laughing duo, who disrupted the peace of the class and with whom even the class monitor used to laugh when we were suppose to play lambs (which mind ya is quite bewildering, I mean c'mon have you ever been with a bunch of lambs?? They make more racket then a mob of Manchester United fans).

Me and my mates have gone through a lot but always had each other to pass on the worries and laugh at our miseries. We still make fun of others and each other, sometimes even raising doubts over another persons sexual orientation and manliness (cheap jokes...hitting below the belt but we are usually drunk or high,in our defense, so it doesn't matter), even once in a while prove that the other person is pregnant and the fact that the other person is a guy never bothered us (am the only one with biology written as a subject in his HSC certificate but still I keep mum and enjoy the festivities never telling them that it is impossible... or is it??? haven't a guy given birth recently?? I tell you in this world of 'man-playing-god' anything is possible, even me getting a decent percentile in CAT or Kulu getting a job or Gaurav finally figuring out his love life).

Inspite of all the laughter and joy we share something has added up in our life which have changed all of us a lot. From simple carefree guys who used to idle away there time to glory without a thing to worry about in the world suddenly all of us have started trodding on the path of becoming Man. Real men like our fathers with responsibilities, commitment, troubles and problems on our minds (my parents were thinking of marrying me off to thrust some responsibity in me & the only thing that stopped them was my threat that then I'll leave my pesky kids on their door step while me and dearest will be out there earning our chikkan tikka and rumali roti, and trust me after raising me, ma & pa aren't be interested in rearing even 50% of my DNA for half a day). Studying like never before to get into a good college, worrying about the job at hand, going to the office at 7 and returning at 9, calling other pals to ask them whether they can post a resume to a company, screaming 'fucking hell' when the dean has banned their placement, worrying about finances and actually learning what really happens in the share market just to make a lil extra cash we all do it while planning for the life ahead.

The realisation that the era of our 'I-don't-give-a-damn' attitude is over is quite sad but that is reality for you. Reality continues to ruin my life.

And by the way there is a saving grace for me after all.

Bill Watterson said “Life's disappointments are harder to take when you don't know any swear words.” Thankfully I learnt a lot of them during my course of life.

I'm a simple man in the end.

Although yesterday I wished for a nuclear powered car that could turn into a jet with laser-guided heat-seeking missiles yet I'm a simple man.

I just got complex tastes.

Revised & Revived

Since when did my life become a canvas of colours??? Rather than painted it is splattered on the poor surface.

I know this is the time of Modern and Abstract arts but call me old-fashioned or anything, I’m an old timer. Call it my tendency of resisting change or my stubborn attitude, I’ll rather have a Sistine Chapel or a Mona Lisa on MY canvas rather than whatever today is considered as ART.

So many of emotions, so many of after and before effects have made themselves comfortable in my life for my comfort. Sometimes I wonder whether my Life was always this complex or this is a new phenomenon showing its effects known? Whether my life was always this simple or that I’ve removed my Rose-tinted sunglasses?

From Love, Pity, Anger, Rage, Sadness, Amazement, Acceptance, Denial I’ve gone through it all in this past months.
Whatever might be happening or has already happened in this phase of my life, I’ve learnt a lot, Found out about people and now am in the position to add one another Hero in my ‘Batman-Superman-Phantom’ cliché.

And this is just one of my minor steps to take the control of my life back into my own hands.

The Revival of ‘SPACE-O-NOMICS’.

Applause anyone???

The Way I am...

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The First Few Steps

The most difficult part of starting something new is well 'starting' it.....

The first few steps you take,nevertheless in whatever direction,you will find are the most difficult to take.These are the steps which will yield the minimum of results and are the one where you will make the most mistakes but these are the steps which you must take to end the journey.

since i'm new at writing this blog,I have decided to start this blog with a NOTE OF CAUTION...

Now let me make it clear that this must NOT be taken as a sign such as
DANGER...KEEP OUT !!!!
but just as a disclaimer(no pun intended)

What i am going to write in this blog will just be my take on things...
It will all be about what i think or feel about certain issues...
again i must emphasise on the point that those issues can be from any context,they may not necessarily be social-political issues and again may not be all candy floss problems teens face... but they are just going to be the issues on which i would like to express my views...because the sole purpose of mine to start this blog is not to make things clear in my mind(i read it on the homepage under the heading why should one start a blog) but to express my ideas,my views to everyone.

but again here another conflict arises...

i believe no one thinks originally...there have only been 8 or 10 so called original thinkers in all of history...wat i believe is the fact that what we call as our OUR ORIGINAL IDEAS are only the distortions put up by the "ORIGINALS"...
with time all of our ideas OR our views have just been influenced by the thoughts penned by the "ORIGINALS".

The other trouble with views is that they get influenced by other's views as well as circumstances.

and i am not an exception...what i am trying to pass on as MY VIEWS are actually a remixed version of other's views as well.
My thought process do get influenced by other's ideas as well.
The point i am trying to make is what i will be writing here should not be taken as a writing on the wall.
With time,insight and experience of this world i may be bound to change my views altogether.

on an ending note,I would like to remind all those who actually know me in the 'real world' I may use certain quotes or instances from your lives but it is not my intension to cause any troubles to you and to make sure of this i will use certain caution.

again let me remind you that i want others to read into this and give their comments on it even if they think completely different from me because as i said my views and I are both of dynamic nature and I would love to hear counter views because i am always interested in broadening my horizons and the only way of doing it (as far as i know...) is by CONSTRUCTIVE CRITICISM.

so you are more then welcome to blast my views if you want....