"Whatever has happened once, will not happen again..but what has happened twice is bound to happen for the third time..." - Paulo Coelho from "The Alchemist"

The Proposal

Ritika stepped on the escalator and I followed her, two steps behind.
“Lunch was great wasn’t it? I loved that…”

I had known her for the past four months but felt as if she had been a part of my life since forever. We had hitted it off during our lunch hours, become quite close between all those coffee breaks and shared laughter amid our cigarette smoking.

I had decided to ask her to marry me two weeks back. Since we were both orphans I was spared the task of ‘Meeting the Parents’ and just had to walk into a jewellery store and spend more than half of my savings to buy that perfect diamond ring for her. I also didn’t have to ask my parents whether they can think of Ritika as their daughter-in-law, infact they would’ve had disapproved of every girl I would’ve had wished to marry.

“Wait till you meet them.You are gonna love them…”

I kept listening to her sweet voice, without heeding to the words and kept playing with the ring in my pocket. Should I ask her to marry me? Should I beg? Or will threatening her do the trick?

We reached the top and I saw two young men smiling back. My heart shrank as I saw the joy on Ritika's face as she saw them.

“This is Abhinav my boyfriend and this is his brother Avinash…guys this is Soumya, my colleague and my bestest friend”

I tried to keep despair off my face as my whole world came crashing down on me. My shattered dreams pained my eyes and brought tears to them, yet I controlled them somehow. The ring fell from my pocket as I took out my hand from my pocket to take Avinash's outstretched hand. As I knelt down to pick it up, Abhinav went down on his knees besides me and said “Will you marry me Ritika?”
This was to be my entry for the Ascension contest at 'The Clarity of Night' but alas the word count became its enemy and by the time I could resend it the contest had closed. Yet I wanted to know what people thought about it so here it is at your mercy. Till next time. Adios.

I Saw Her

I changed the metro at Kashmere gate for Rithala. I had to be in another part of Delhi and taking the Metro was the only economical & practical option available to me.

She entered the car with a friend of hers and from that moment onwards, I couldn’t keep my eyes off her, atleast for the next 20 minutes. She was not exactly beautiful, infact she was far from the conventional sense of beauty, yet there was something about her which I can’t fathom, and guess never will be able to, that held my attention. She was wearing a cherry-red colour jacket over a creamish sweatshirt and faded stone washed blue denims. She was more on the wheatish side with shoulder length dark brown hair styled unevenly which gave her a wind swept look. She had no curves, no long legs and no breasts to speak of but at that moment was easily the most desirable girl in the world for me. She was carrying an overflowing bag, most probably filled with books to the limit and was from Gargi College, since she was wearing the college’s sweatshirt and I could read 'GARGI' written over to the left side of her sweatshirt. She had an unsmiling face with slight bags under her eyes and looked pretty tired, infact she looked relieved to be in the metro and having a chance to relax for a while. She was leaning against the door and like a puppy I was staring at her, hoping that I would get an opportunity to start a conversation with her.

She was totally oblivious of her surroundings and didn’t even notice any of her fellow companions, especially one of them who was precipitating despite of the morning chill. She either kept her eyes fixed outside of the window beside me or decided to give them a rest from time to time.
She had a relaxed appearance and a calm aura surrounded her. She looked as if she wasn’t in any hurry to reach anywhere and gave the impression of a smart, intelligent and sensible person. She had the quality of a confident and in control kind of a person which was well evident from her body language.

She was someone maybe with whom I would’ve had loved to share a coffee, talk, hold a conversation, listen to her views and try to get to know her a little better. She gave me the impression that maybe this was the kind of girl I would like to share my life with, share all my happy moments and tell her all my worries. She was the kind of girl I would’ve had liked to wake up every morning, snuggle to, bring a smile to her face, make her childish fantasies true and listen ‘I Miss You’ from.

With a jolt the metro stopped at Rithala and we both got out. I jumped the stairs two at a time and rushed towards an auto, without even glancing back at her and pushed her out of mind as soon as the auto started moving. For me it was over, a chance meeting, a time we will share but of whom she’ll remain unaware and I’ll treasure. For me she was lost in the land of the human mass forever.

But fate had other plans.

I rushed back to the station 3 hours later to reach CP as soon as possible to meet my girl.
After a long wait I finally got a ticket and entered the overflowing coach of the Metro. And there she was, in the crowd, right in front of me sitting serenely. But this time I didn’t feel any of the previous emotions that had rushed through me. I hardly noticed her and kept glancing at my watch, calculating at what time I would be able to reach CP and for how long my girl would’ve been waiting.

Both of us again departed at the Kashmere gate station and as before I bolted towards the exit without a second thought in my mind.

This time we had parted ways at last.

Or have we???

A Time called 'NIGHT'

The sun shines brightly for a change as I sit down in front of the family’s common laptop.

It is a glorious day outside with a slight chilly breeze reminding that it is still the start of January & officially, still winter in the Indian plains. For some this day might signify happiness and joy & maybe some pessimists might consider it as the last day of light before the bleak future sets in, but nevertheless no one can deny that this is a magnificent winter morning.

But alas the philosopher in me is not easily side tracked by such playfulness of nature. In my pursuit of materialistic gains & bodily pleasures, I don’t usually stop to marvel at nature’s artistic talent. I just take in the wonderful surroundings and move on to do whatever I was doing.

Considering the surroundings and my elated state of mind, one might assume that I might be dwelling on something which is bright and maybe holds some promise for the future. Some line of thought which deals with the lighter side of one’s self or atleast won’t have something dark associated with. But as usual my thoughts are directed in a different way altogether, which by the way is duly affected by this bright sunlit day.

The harsh reality, which I’m quite sure has revealed to me only due to this burning sun, struck me across my face that all my creative musings and my spiritual awakenings happen during the late hours of night. My emotional threshold point reaches to its peak only during these dark hours. I fully feel alive at that time only. All my doubts and problems get solved during these ungodly hours. I’m free to think and devise ways to live life on my terms. Make fallback plans for some future endeavor at 2 in the morning. My craving for something non-veg, a little drink, smoking everything starts when the dawn of the devil is happening (Sex is an obvious exception, every guy is and rightly so, ought to be ready for it 24 hours a day, 365 days a year). It is as if my life actually awakens during the night.

So what is my fascination with Night?? Actually what is with everyone’s attraction with Night?? You will always hear about the nightlife of a city, will always be judged by at what time you sleep (even when you are studying late into the night instead of partying for a change), all the greatest of personalities (and I include Dracula, Frankenstein, Werewolves, Paris Hilton to name a few) roam in the streets only during ‘when darkness falls’. Mother’s fret over their children because everytime they wake up during the night they finds them well awake. Father’s still play Mt. Vesuvius because their sons are taking the prescribed 5 hours of sleep at 11 in the morning.

My mother always told me I was a nishachar (demon in devanagri). I was a child of the night who used to scream his head off from the window when my neighbors, bless them, were trying to go to bed. I used to be full of unspent energy which surfaced during the night and which I used well to cause mayhem around the house. I was the only child who used to keep wide awake whenever a family gathering was happening and all the adults were getting nostalgic about their childhood. I still love to drive away in the dead of night on the streets of Delhi, still remember the nights when I used to meet my ex-girlfriend under her apartment.
I guess it has to do something with the fact that we spend all our day living for everyone else and it is only during the night that we can unleash the rebel within, hoping that our dark side will be lost in this darkness or maybe it has to do something with the reveal-hide quality of the night which invites us to shed our inhibitions or maybe I’m overcomplicating a simple way of life & it has nothing to do with anything. Whatever might be the actual reason this is for a fact that Night is a special time of everyone’s life, one time or another, irrespective whether it’s a blue full moon night, a half moon yellowish night, or a night of no moon and total darkness, the pull of the cities lights or the charm of the quietness of the dead paths, of both metros or villages, is something no amount of sun can match. For me a dark cloudy day is always much better then a sunny morning.

With time my parents finally understood the fact that I will always have my life in the night but alas they still haven’t come to terms with it. They don’t stop me from partying late into the night but my mom still calls me at 11 to remind me to come back home, with the faint sense of unmistakable hope in her voice that she’ll hear that I’m already on my way. My dear old Dad still sleeps in fits until I return back from my midnight strolls. As for me, I still hope to drink the elixir of night every night and get high.

oNE WiLD NighT

Pre-Script: I was drunk as I had originally written this...drunk as in totally wasted...with no sense of time, direction, stairs, person, food or something else for that matter. There might be some mistakes in there but even as I re-edit it am not gonna rectify them...originality matters. And besides what fun it would be if I didn't have a drunk, insanic post in my blog???

31st December 2008/ 1st January 2009

Finally my craving to get drunk and my wish to have a hangover are fulfilled. It's 7 in the fucking morning, 1st January 2009 and pretty chilly. The fog is quite thick right now and I have just driven 20 miles in half conscious state with two of my buddies (actually one is drunk and was asleep the whole time...still is {& remained so late till the afternoon}) acting as my eyes and mind (I couldn't see a bloody thick chain cordoning off the entry of one of the roads and almost drove through ot) with the sounds of Bon Jovi and Linkin Park blaring through the speakers to keep me awake and with prayers in our hearts for the dearth of the traffic cops,to finally have a cup of coffee in the comforts of my own home.

The plan was simple. My home was supposed to be the venue (since my parents are conveniently out of town) and we were supposed to have a house party and get drunk on vodka, GUYS ONLY!! But all plans have a habit to go awry and what good is a man who can't derive the best out of a worst situation. 'We' were just four guys, GK..the man...my blood brother...the closest friend I have. Meena...a school buddy..budding script writer and director. Pawan..the boyfriend of my ex-'s sister..my big bro cum best friend. & finally, yours truly... the brain behind the whole idea...the man with the thousand nicknames and thousand plus one smiles.
The first setback happened in the morning when I ran out of cash. By the time I got to the Bank it was closed and the only thing I could do was to call GK and ask him to get the moolaah. GK had problems of his own by the way. His brother has wiped off his account of all the cash and had left him broke. Still he managed to scrape through somehow.
The second pitfall happened late in the evening when three of us were waiting for Pawan to reach my place and controlling ourselves not to start drinking the pure Smirnoff right away. That's when he called to say that he can't make it cause some dumb asshole of a guy had punctured both the tires of his bike. Instead of loosing hope and playing into the hands of despair, I took command & decided to move the party to Pawan's house. With no cash left in any of our combined pockets and minimum of petrol in the car, I drove the 20 miles to his place in my trusty car with fuckingly best fuel efficiency.

The pain in my head is searing, eyes blood shot and puffy from lack of sleep and the brain. an old has been sword, jaded and rusted. GK is snoring away to glory while Meena is desperately trying to sleep. I have made eggs for myself for this early morning breakfast and am still reading the message my ex- sent me after I had talked and somewhat screamed at her after she had pissed me off.

We planned to go bowling before drinking but here despair outplayed us. The malls were closing just as we reached there, which was surprising cause we had thought this was New Year's Eve and at least malls will be open at least till 12. With slightly dashed hopes but still with some spirit we went back home to our bottles of vodka and the now ice cold chicken and play out the original plan.
Meena broke the seals and I did the honours of pouring out the pegs for everyone. And then Pawan's gf called up and he went out of the room to talk to her. We like good old fashioned guys threw obscenities at him for walking out on us, kept drinking while litting up cigarettes after cigarettes and kept the mood swinging. We recalled our school days and welcomed nostalgia to the group, I proved to GK that he ain't in love, prodded Meena that his love calls me her sweetheart and flirts like anything, I boasted that her cute lil 11th class sister thought I had a sexy voice and then 'she' called.

I had read somewhere that the best cure of a hangover is sprite and tomatoes ( had read on Sia's blog) and something else to do with curd. But with lack of luck I'm out of tomatoes, sprite, curd. lemon, bananas, vegetables, or any kind of food for that matter. I roam around the house to find something to do instead of sleeping, inspite of the weariness and the tiredness am not ready to give rest to my eyes, atleast not yet. My mind keeps acting like a pendulum, swinging this way and that, restless, wishing for something to think about but all thoughts pouring out of mind like water from a hand, unable to concentrate and form a coherent thought.

I had been waiting for my girl to call me and actually didn't expect that my ex- will wish to talk to me when the clock will chime 12. We started talking and wished each other (actually I did, she ain't too keen on the concept of special days...New Years, B'days, Anniversaries etc etc.) and then my special girl called. I hung up and began my struggle with the jammed networks to listen to her sweet voice again. After a struggle of half -an-hour I was finally able to bore through the vodafone-airtel networks and talk to her.

I returned to my medicine after having a brief chat and then my ex- called up again. I listened to her audacious talk, spoke some angry words and put the phone down. And I passed out after 12 minutes. I found out in the morning that my cell had run out of balance, was low on battery and by some godforsaken miracle it was blocked!!!

Still later I found out how I had blabbered to Pawan that what a great and nice guy he really is and am gonna tell his gf not to trouble him much.

The world outside is blue, devoid of the rays of the sun yet there is nothing sad or depressing about the concrete landscape. It is the New Year's first day and the scene gives me the feeling of peace and tranquility. It gives me the sense of hopefulness that everything good will happen for everyone of us.

I messaged my ex- apologising for my behaviour the night before. And

I'm still to message everyone who wished me throughout the last two days (yup people started from 30th).

And now I gotta sleep cause I can't keep my eyes open.



& we ate a half cooked, ice cold chicken for dinner.

Yours Truly.

My photo
Like a true gemini i've got a multifaceted personality. can't write about each of them so one will have to discover through the layers