"Whatever has happened once, will not happen again..but what has happened twice is bound to happen for the third time..." - Paulo Coelho from "The Alchemist"

The Way I am...

The light illuminated the room...

At first sight the room looked messy...not unkempt,not unclean...just MESSY in the purest sense...

A Table in the middle,with lots of smaller tables scattered around the room,each bulging down under all the combined weights of books and papers laying on it.
That is the second thing one will notice.
The sheer number of books and papers in the room.
There were a few Chairs,two Bean Bags scattered around the room just like the tables.
There was also a Black Leather Sofa set.

In spite of the total lack of order one could move freely throughout.
Even this total mess gave a feeling of total upkeep.Like if everything is putted like this deliberately,which I can assure is not the case.

The Room was circular.With lots of doors at the perimeter,not evenly placed yet giving the feeling of perfect symmetry.
Each one of them was made of mahogany and had golden handles.
They lead one further into the depths.

It smelled nicely too.
I guess the different aromas inter-mixed to give it a REAL distinct identity of its own.
These smells did stir up some feelings and emotions but the one which was dominant was as complex as the whole layout..it gave a sense of warmth and caring yet at the same time sent a feeling of "coldness" through the spine.

I guess it is the perfect place for one to think.At least for me it is.

It was quite a simple room albeit a large one...and it felt nice to be there...




Every time I'm here something has changed.
Sometimes I dwell on some new situations and sometimes I take up the old unsolved dilemmas and sometimes I'm here just for the sake of being here.

I walked to the middle of the room where the largest table was laid.

"I hope you understand that I usually don't invite everyone in, don't know what made me accept you as a guest"I heard myself saying"but what I'm getting at is,and please don't take it personally,that there are certain things I won't be comfortable telling you,they are just very personal,I hope you understand"

I turned towards the Visitor and found It nodding.

The Visitor,I just couldn't make out whether 'It' was a he or a she.
The only thing I was sure of was that it had a face with two eyes,one nose,one mouth which gave it a semi-human appearance.
Two arms could be seen dangling by its side.And it had no legs.
It was floating about half a foot above ground and looked quite at home.

'Its' face showed a real calmness like someone who is at ease with itself.
Those two eyes showed sparks of Life and a smile could be seen playing on its Lips.
A light surrounded the body,a ghostly pale bluish white light.
but all of this failed to tell me whether it was a he or she,so I simply designated it "It".

"What strange company I have for today"I mused.

"So would you like to look around??"said I"will you please come here so that I can start to tell you about the layout first??"

'It' floated towards me.

"Well as you can see I wasn't expecting a guest over"said I sheepishly trying to look everywhere in the room except at 'It'.
'It' just smiled in an reassuring way and nodded sagely.

"Great !!! A non-talker,that was the only thing missing"thought I.

"Well this is what I call as 'The Lounge'.You can call it the Command Center or the Board Room if you are a sucker for Military terminology or the Corporate jargon but I just call it 'The Lounge',makes it a little informal"
I looked around the room in admiration.Well sure I loved the place and everyone wants to show off their best things...well this was one of mine.

"This is the place where I make most of my theories.The rules,guidelines call them whatever you want,basically here I formulate the ways on how to live my life,how I'll handle certain situations and all the clauses and subclauses and the fine print that goes with them,for the exceptions that crop up sometimes you see"I rambled"Mind you none of them are static in nature,I keep updating them along time and experience"

"Here let me show you something"I beckoned him.
We were standing beside the largest table laid in the middle of the room.
It was made up of some stone and was dark blue in colour.
The surface gave a glazed look and on it different faces,phrases,words,colours,figures,pictures played their own little game,totally indifferent of our presence.

The words and phrases broke into alphabets or smaller words and realigned themselves,sometimes making some other words and phrases and sometimes making something that was totally incomprehensible.
Faces distorted in front of us,features realigned and sometimes getting sharper and sometimes fading away till a faint shadow could be seen.
Colours seemed to dance around the whole surface giving an effect somewhat like the northern lights.It was sort of like a smaller version of it.
Figures were making their own rules of geometry.Breaking into lines which seemed to crawl all upon the surface and making some real neat figures both in 2D and 3D.
Pictures kept zooming in and zooming out.Sometimes staying fixed at a particular point and sometimes blurring out so quickly that you could hardly register what were you witnessing in front of you.
All of this was happening at lightning speed.In the hundredth of a second was my guess.
The effect was highlighted by the fact that we were witnessing all this on 3D.Instead of only length and breadth the table showed depth too.

"What you are witnessing in front of you is the actual thought process,at the speed of thought.All the data keeps pouring in,from outside and the memory also,and keeps getting segregated and united all the time.This works somewhat like a supercomputer for me,makes life a little easier for me.Whatever and whenever I require some sort of data or some earlier instance or something like that,I can find it in front of me in a matter of nanoseconds."
"I have no idea how does this works but quite frankly I have stopped bothering myself about this"
I don't know how interesting 'It' liked the information I was giving but I was least bothered.All this time I kept looking at the scene in front of me admiringly.
In front of me my best friends face came in focus and at that instance the colour changed to crimson red.A triangle decided to fight a circle and a spiral single handily(actually triple).All the alphabets started to swim in front and by the time I glanced back at the face it was replaced by an eye,all the other features becoming completely hazy.

I broke the trance and re-addressed the guest of honour.

"The doors you can see leads to a different room in each of which a specific part of my personality or some specific 'subject' is stored.Basically you can regard them as safe houses where information is stored about a particular topic but they act more than just warehouses.Here all my theories are used practically to solve certain matters or applied on hypothetical situations regarding the issue at hand.All these rooms are interconnected and data flows between them at the speed of thought.You might have felt that the air in the room sometimes become a little hot or cold or might have felt a gush of air passing you.Well that was just information being exchanged between two or maybe more rooms."

"You see decision making or rather living life itself is quite a simple task but taking the right decisions and living a successful,good life requires effort.As it is with Life.the factors effecting it are made up of very simple facts but their mingling makes them rather difficult to decode.The situations themselves are made up so many complex facts that it becomes a necessity to have certain information from other quarters.I guess you can say that actually the 'interests' which lie behind these doors overlap each other."

As soon as I had finished,
"INFORMATION IS POWER" flashed on the wall before us.
"Ignore it,that's just one of my favourite oneliners" I said,"sort of like my mantra for life.Incidentally I've made it myself"

I guessed that maybe 'It' got a little surprised by the sudden occurrence because I saw the light surrounding it got a little brighter but I was busy suppressing the smile that had started to creep on my lips and I hastily changed the subject.

"Obviously I can't show you all the rooms but I'll show you one or two"

"That one over there has all my dreams and aspirations,right opposite to it lies the room where my secrets are stored.This one over here holds my strenghts,bravery,boldness etc ,over there is the intellectual room,you know knowledge,sharpness,smartness and all that."

"This is my room of my wit and humour"I said opening the door.A huge 'rushing' sound emitted from the room which died subsequently.
It was a huge room but completely empty.
Two pictures adorned the walls.One was of Bill Watterson,the creator of Calvin and Hobbes and the other one was of P.G Wodehouse.
"Well being funny is a serious business.You have to be on your toes to find the right opportunity to find AND capture AND use all the funny moments life throws at you. That needs room to maneuver so this room is basically empty.Those two pictures are the only thing in this room. My Inspirations. Two of the funniest people who lived. Their sense of humour,look towards life was absolutely terrific." I said admiringly and closed the door.

"Don't get fooled by the bareness of the room.It is one of the busiest room here.Instances,phrases are always coming in from the memory.A little sharpness is also needed here and off course all would be lost if you couldn't put it in the right way,that's when that rooms come into play."I said pointing towards another room.
"That one gives me the ability of speak and till date it has worked satisfactorily."

"Emmm..this is...well...err one of the other busy room" I said feeling slightly embarrassed and opened the door.
The first thing that strikes me every time I come here is the sheer quality of colours.
If the colours on the table were like a smaller scale version of the northern lights this was as if the REAL thing.
And the second thing were the pictures.All of them of different dimensions.
Moving,talking,smiling pictures.All of them displaying different types of emotions.And everyone of them prettier then the other.Whole walls were covered by them.

"Err..these are the girls I liked or had a crush on or something like that"I said hastily and tried to shut the door as quickly as possible but 'It' just didn't moved from its place.Instead I could clearly see the first show of emotion on its face.The smile reached its ears and I could see a mischievous glint in the eyes.And I could feel myself getting redder under its gaze.

"GRREEAATT !!! He had to get interested at this room only... though I can't blame 'It'.I mean so many pretty girls anyone will get interested..maybe 'It' is a HE." I thought.

"Well you see I come across so many people (red)and I have found that many of them have so many qualities(redder) that attracts me(heating).So well it is quite easy for me to fall for(crimson)..emm..some of them(blazing red).I guess you must've guessed that what sort of topic this room deals with so I don't have explain it more(DANGER DANGER)."
"Look that was what I was talking about earlier.See that side door?? That connects this room to the next room.Here let me show you."and I opened the door.

REVENGE...Oh sweet sweet revenge...
It was my turn to smile broadly while in second time in minutes a second wave of emotions swept over 'It'.The eyes could be clearly seen to be opened like flood gates while the expression on the face was of full embarrassment and surprise !!
I motioned 'It' out and still couldn't stop myself from gloating while my companion was still thunderstruck.
"You see that room is also accessible from the outside.Here.."
The second time was not as hard hitting as the first time yet to witness the expressions struggling on 'Its' face again was worth it.
"I believe that in a relationship,in romance, sex does play an important part but sex does not need romance to come into play.So I designated another separate room for it"said I and left him musing.

"This is a very special room for me"said I and opened it"My friends."
The room was gigantic and was filled with images of people.And in an instant all of them vanished and were replaced by cabinets.
"I consider everyone either as a friend,an enemy or a stranger.Even an acquaintances is treated as a friend because every friendship starts from it only.But I categorise all of my friends.While some are extremely important to me there are some with whom I'm not too attached.See those Seven cabinets in the middle??? Each one is for one of my Best Friends."And I closed the door.

"I can go on and on and on about everything here because well quite frankly I love to talk about myself and well I love everything about me !! My life,My personality,The Persons who are there in my life,Every damn thing.And I'm quite proud of all of them.I love when others praise or admire those things.That sometimes may give the impression of being very egoistical and immodest and maybe I'm all of those things.But I guess I've just shown you where all of my traits arise from.'Why they arise as such??' well that is quite another story altogether and quite complex at that but to give it a summary I can only say,I'm what I'm because of this is what I chose to be.I took decisions,reacted to certain situations and all of them shaped me.I'm this because there are certain things I believe in and there are others in which I don't.Maybe I might not be upto your standards and fail in your expectations that you set for a person,and I do admit it that there are things I did which others considered were not good, but atleast I have the satisfaction of knowing after every day just before I go to sleep and see the mirror I can see my reflection and I can face myself,admit it that atleast all of the decisions I took were mine"

Silence enveloped the room and suddenly another writing flashed on the wall.
"Everyone has the Right to face the consequences of their Own Actions"
"Another of my line"said I matter of factly.

"I guess its very late now and I better show you out.It was a pleasure you coming over and I apologise for not being a Very good host but I hope you enjoyed the visit" I said and started to move towards the door.

As I reached the door and opened it,a strange chill went down my spine as if I was doing something wrong.
I turned towards 'It'.Something felt strange.Something felt VERY strange.

And then it dawned on me.Everything became crystal clear.And I finally found out who was 'It'.Rather 'What' was 'It'

'It' was still standing in the middle of the room.Smiling.
And I found myself slowly returning that smile.

There it was.

In the middle of a circular room that had many doors made up of mahogany with golden handles.
A room filled up with tables and chairs and papers and books.
A room totally disorganised but where one could feel at ease.
A room which was hot at some time and cool at the next instance.Where you could feel a gush of wind passing you.

There it was.

One man standing at a door smiling back to someone standing in the middle of the room.
One man smiling back to himself.
One man smiling back to its own Soul.

I had spent a good part of time with my soul,with myself and a feeling of total content swept over me.

I was still smiling when I came out of the room.
That look was still imprinted on my mind which was on my soul's face when I had shown him that room.


rich said...

well i ve read the tables part which reveals ur present status...

good but il comment upon it a little later as.. im into my project cant think much.. as to same cant go deeper>>

rajika said...

hey sweety......
emmm...gud work, really, i mean even though it gt a lil long i mean its a blog...u knw...bt still liked the way u've expressed urself.....more imprtntly i like the ending, i think its necessary fr ever human being to spend sum tym wid its soul, trying to knw urself better!! n i think u're working on it.
beside the best part i wld say is where u say u love urself n everything abt urself , guess dts probably bcoz im the same so i cld easily realte wid it.
beside i think u're doing a gr8 job, keepi it up......
bt the next time try to keep it a lil short.
dts a piece of advice fm another blogger cum freind......[;)]
so keep writing...

sinha said...

what super imaginations.And you gotta have to have super command to express them in words .wow ! you can definitely paint a picture in words.
facing one's own consequences is fine but what about when you have to face and suffer other's consequences?
And nothing is absolute.Even space,time and matter got shaken up-eh?
Struggle and acceptance both are keys to survival.

restless soul said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
restless soul said...

hey man ....this is my first eva comment to any blogger in the world...u r awesome mate...jst awesum..dun hv words to describe......it was amazing..reaching d depths of ur mind and soul...carry on mate...gud going

Sakshi said...

Dear Mr. Satyarthi

Don't expect anything big out of this comment...u'll only b disappointed.

I dunno m kinda pissed off..dont feel like reading ur "granthh" again..have read it twice already(last i read it was about 3 weeks back) and wont be reading it again for now.And since i wont read it dont expect the usual dissection..keep it short next time for expert opinion[:p][;)]

Vese even u dint comment on my best-est-est write-up ever("cutting the carribean crap"-in my former blog page) saying that it was tooo long.

so, tit for tat [:p]

i can muster up only this one from memory--
i liked the description of ur love n crush room and the beginning of the post..
i dont like the font colour...green!! its supposed to be the colour of jealousy..

thats it.[:p]
next time...dont take ages to post.
dont make it this long.
Tujhe har cheez mein meri copy karne ki zarurat ni hai...u can be different and keep it concise and precise.
good luck!
and all the best for the billi!
love ya loads..
and missin ya biiiiig tym [:(]

Yours Truly.

My photo
Like a true gemini i've got a multifaceted personality. can't write about each of them so one will have to discover through the layers